In this week’s issue, here’s what we are sniffing out

Hello all, my name is Dr. Kaitlin, and I am a home hospice and euthanasia veterinarian working for Lap of Love in the Denver area. I met Angela when I visited her home to help with her own sweet dog, Radar, back in 2024. We had an instant connection then, and I am so honored to be writing for Grey Whiskers now, and the topic of geriatric pets never gets old for me!

Textbooks can and have been written on geriatric care, so what can I add to the conversation? I settled on the following short subjects because these are some of the things I find myself explaining most often to families I serve. No matter how ingrained and routine this knowledge is for me, folks are frequently surprised at what I have to say and so I wanted to share these tidbits about euthanasia and loss here.

Grief is many different things

• It’s easy to think of grief as just sadness, but that’s simply not the case. Grief is sadness and guilt and denial and anger and even, sometimes, a little tiny bit of relief. That’s the one that really trips people up, that really confuses them in the aftermath of a loss. But the relief in the grief, as I like to call it, makes complete sense when you consider how horribly painful it is to watch someone you love suffer as they age. OF COURSE, it’s a relief to know that their suffering has ended. And it’s a relief to know that all the actionable doubting and worrying and wondering is over, that the deed is done and the decision is now out of your hands. It can also be a relief for time, financial, emotional, and physical reasons, which are just as valid. We’ll get into that in the next section.

• Ultimately, what I want to be very clear about is that I do not believe that feeling of relief warrants guilt. Hearing that from me doesn’t magically fix all the confusing, sticky feelings, but you should hear it anyway. Relief is healthy. Relief is often proof that you made the right choice for whatever reason. Relief is something many wonderful people feel, even in the midst of their grief.

The 4 Budgets

Okay, so this one is definitely controversial to some people, but I stand by it 100%. We like to say that all pet parents have 4 budgets, and that being at zero on any budget is a valid reason to consider humane euthanasia. Those budgets are:

• Financial—this one is perhaps obvious, but money doesn’t grow on trees, and most folks can’t spend literally everything they have on a medical issue for themselves, much less for anyone else. If you can’t justify continuing to spend money on a problem for your geriatric or terminal pet, it is completely valid and fair to consider humane euthanasia rather than allowing them to suffer and die naturally without sufficient medical intervention.

• Time—some disease processes are more time-consuming than others. Some people can give insulin injections to their diabetic cat at the exact same times every day, and others (like me) cannot. Some people can take their arthritic dog in for aquatherapy in the specialty clinic 5 towns over 3 times a week to maintain adequate quality of life, and others simply can’t. We are all governed by the laws of time, and not having enough of it is a very understandable reason to let your darling pet peacefully pass.

• Emotional—As mentioned before, seeing someone we love in pain HURTS us. And taking care of complicated medical issues is STRESSFUL. And constantly cleaning poop out of your carpet after your pet takes off their diaper for the 1000th time is FRUSTRATING. These are all incredibly understandable human emotions for these situations, and your quality of life matters, too. Sometimes there are ways to mitigate these feelings (having someone spell you on clean-up duty is always a good idea), but sometimes it’s just all too much. And that’s okay. You are allowed to be emotionally done and ready to help your sweetheart peacefully transition.

• Physical—In terms of logistics, this one is immensely important. Some people simply don’t have the physical capacity to do the things that need doing. What if you literally can’t get on your hands and knees to scrub the puddle left under your table? What if you can’t get your wheelchair-bound dog out of the corner they managed to wedge themselves in? What if a stable medical condition suddenly turns into respiratory distress, and you can’t lift your pet into the car to get them to the ER? These are all very real scenario,s and the what-ifs are so important to consider when asking yourself where you land on this budget.

Euthanasia is not a failure, and death is not “giving up”

• On average, our society here in the United States seems to view death as an ever-present specter of failure that we can only outrun for so long. Grief is inherently sharpened by this illogical guilt—so many people try to avoid something unavoidable, and the culture surrounding death is profoundly affected by this mistake. Funerals are usually sad, somber affairs where even something as simple as bright color is eschewed in favor of clothing that reflects only our deepest, most painful hurts. Need to talk about your grief? Only if you can manage to do it in a socially acceptable and mostly private way. Want to age gracefully towards the death we all must face someday? Absolutely not, instead buy this and this and this to erase any evidence that the body simply has to have an expiration date.

• And if this doesn’t sound like your experience with death, well, blame it on my Midwestern upbringing. Not everyone in our society has these hang-ups, but a lot of people I meet suffer this way.

• So if it’s not a failure, how do we label euthanasia? I think of it as a gift. In fact, I think it is one of the kindest, most loving, and most difficult gifts to give. Or maybe it’s better called a sacrifice, since giving a gift doesn’t usually hurt that much. Either way, it can feel deeply wrong, down in your gut senses, even as everyone around you tells you it’s the right choice. Every time you can push through that feeling and trust the advice of your vet and your loved ones and everyone else who has your pet’s best interests at heart, you are giving a loving gift. I am so, so grateful that there are innumerable people who love their pets enough to love them through death. And if that’s you, I hope you can take these words to heart and be just that little bit kinder to yourself. You deserve it.

🐶 Sniffing Out Senior Dog News 📰

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🩺 The Virtual Vet Visit: What Pet Owners Really Get from Telemedicine

Senior Dog Meme of the Week  

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