In this week’s issue, here’s what we are sniffing out

Dogs grieving for humans

One of the most moving stories of grief in dogs that I’ve ever heard is the story of Hachiko. For those interested, here is the full story. For those who want the summary, here is the gist…Hachiko was an Akita owned by a professor in Japan in the early 1900s. The professor and Hachiko were very close. Every day, the professor commuted to work on the train. And every day, Hachiko would walk to the train station on time to meet his owner in the evenings. One day in 1925, the professor suffered a cerebral hemorrhage and passed away while at work. Hachiko waited for him at the station, but the professor didn’t arrive that evening on the train, or any other evening. Hachiko, who was given a new home by a gardener of the professor’s, continued to walk to the station every evening to wait for his beloved professor… For 10 more years, until he himself died in 1935 at the age of 12.

This is, of course, an extremely unusual story that goes beyond just the idea of grief. Hachiko was an intensely loyal, faithful dog. And obviously, and maybe a little thankfully, if we’re honest, not every dog behaves this way.

In Hachiko’s case, he was grieving the death of his owner. And I think we mostly recognize now that dogs grieve if they survive human companions who pass before them. But we may not all realize that grief in dogs is not limited to the death of a family member. Dogs also grieve when there is a family divorce and one of the family members is no longer a part of their life, or when a beloved child companion grows up and leaves for college as well. I’ve had a few dogs who have extreme stress when we travel, which escalates the longer we are gone. So it’s not surprising that a dog would be even more upset when someone they love leaves and doesn’t come back, or rarely does.

And not surprisingly, dogs grieve when they lose furry companions as well…

I was fortunate enough to groom Ava and Harley in the last year of their lives. They were little Maltese who lived together basically their whole lives. They had very different personality types but were tightly bonded. Harley was the sweetest little guy, patient with everything and calm; well behaved. Ava was the stubborn little troublemaker, mischievous and totally irresistible just like her housemate-brother Harley. When Harley passed away first, the family told me that as a part of her grieving process, Ava had started sniffing Harley’s ashes on the shelf they sat on. They set up a bed there, and until she died later in the year, Ava slept at least once a day under the shelf with Harley’s ashes.

Our dogs Uma and Esther lived together for almost 8 years when we finally had to put Esther to sleep. Esther was supposed to be 10ish when we adopted her, but was clearly younger. I figured we’d have maybe 2-3 years with her. Boy was I wrong - and so happy about that! Needless to say, she and Uma grew to love each other deeply - see photo below for proof. We had a vet come to the house to help us let her go. Immediately after the veterinarian put Esther to sleep, Uma, who had been sitting between my husband and I, crawled in between Esther and the doctor. She curled up in a ball between them to snuggle up to her best friend one last time, to say goodbye. Later that day, I showed Uma Esther’s collar, and she put her head right into it. She wore Esther’s collar for probably a month before she seemed ready to let it go. A week or so after Esther died, my husband took Uma with him to get Esther’s ashes. On the way home, with the ashes beside him and Uma in the backseat, Uma cried all the way home. As soon as they got home, we set the ashes on the ground, and Uma sniffed them and sniffed them and sniffed them before she would calm down. She knew that was her Esther coming home. We left the ashes out for a while, where she could be near them whenever she wanted.

We‘ve had many other senior dogs in the home since Esther, and Uma hasn’t seemed to grieve significantly for any of them. None of them had the younger, playful years together that Esther and Uma did. And while we’ve had some of those seniors for a couple of years, it seems Uma has learned that the dogs we bring in now are different. She’s been wonderful with every one of them, but it’s not the same to her.

And hear me out… Fish grief???? This one may sound kooky to many of us who don’t think about this kind of thing, but my husband and I have had two rehomed goldfish for about 2 years. Recently one of the fish became really sick. In his last hours, our other fish refused to eat and joined him on the bottom part of the tank, a place where neither fish ever spent any time previously. He stayed beside his buddy for all of his last hours. After we removed the fish from the tank, our surviving fish stayed at the bottom of the tank for another 12 hours or so, and refused to eat for a day. After that day, he was mostly back to normal, although his patterns are different now. One funny thing he does now is flip water on us as we walk by. His tankmate did that to us regularly when he was alive, and it seems he passed on the tradition as he left.

Goldfish aside, here are 7 steps to help a grieving pet.

1. Allow your surviving dog to wear a collar, bandanna, or clothing of the passed pet. If it’s a family member who’s gone, leave some worn clothing or bedding for your dog to have nearby.

2. Leave the other dog’s bed and toys in place. Sometimes it’s a good idea to put the clothing, bedding or toys on that bed, and let the surviving dog snuggle into it all if he wants to.

3. Keep routines the same as much as you’re able to do as you grieve. When grief is overwhelming you, it’s still important for both you and the grieving dog to take a walk just like you always do, or go to the park, or go get that puppacino.

4. Try a new activity. Choose something that you didn’t do when the other dog was alive. If your dog likes it, make it a tradition. When Esther died, we bought a bike trailer and started taking Uma for what we called “buggy rides.” She was so excited to take every one of them, and it was something new and fun for us to do together. We started it for her, but it ended up being just what we all needed.

5. Be patient with your dog. Offer extra affection and time with her if you’re able. Remember that petting a dog is therapeutic, so this is another thing that will help you both.

6. If he’s showing signs of separation anxiety try to reduce his alone time if possible until he seems more like himself. For our dogs, it’s always been a temporary situation.

7. Reduce the dog’s stress as much as possible. Cancel appointments for grooms and veterinary visits, especially for elderly dogs, if you have the ability to do that without penalty. If you don’t, tell your groomer or veterinarian what has happened. When I groomed young dogs, I once had a dog who was never impatient snap at me during his groom. I mentioned it to his owner because it was so out of character for him. She told me that she and her husband had just separated. When we talked about it a little more, it seemed her dog was exhibiting symptoms of grief.

And what are the signs of grief, exactly?

Many dogs who are grieving show signs of depression:

• They may refuse to eat or play

• Show less interest in walks, car rides or other field trips than normal

• Withdraw to be alone, sometimes choosing to be where the other pet spent a lot of time

• Sleep more

• Whine, cry or howl

• Pace restlessly

• Become unusually clingy or develop temporary separation anxiety

However, in all this, don’t forget to take it seriously if your elderly dog’s health also declines at the same time. I had a client whose elderly dog refused to eat suddenly, and because he was elderly, she took him to the vet right away. Before the vet did a bunch of tests on the dog, it came up in the conversation that the housemate had just died. The doctor and the human talked about it, and the client was advised to take the dog home and give him a few days of special treatment to see if his symptoms improved. They did, but if they hadn’t, there are certainly coincidences of dogs losing a housemate and getting sick at the same time. With an elderly dog, it’s important not to chalk any change in behavior or appetite up to grief alone. If your dog isn’t improving after a few days, it’s worth having a conversation with his doctor.

On a lighter note…

Easter is upon us! With some caution, your senior dog can take part in the fun as well! As always, be sure your old dog can’t sneak his way into the kids’ Easter baskets or the Easter egg hunt and get the plastic eggs or the candy. For some elderly dogs, the activity around an Easter egg hunt can be really overwhelming. If your dog is in that category, it’s a great idea to set him up somewhere safe, comfortable, and quiet to nap until the fun is over. Whether he can join in on the celebrations or not, you can still spoil your senior dog a little extra for the holiday. Make him an Easter basket!

Old Dog Approved Doggie Easter Basket

You’ll need:

• A basket (bet you didn’t see that coming)

• Swap a nice soft blankie in or a snuffle mat like this in for the plastic or paper grass

• A plush food puzzle like this instead of plastic eggs

• Tuck small dog treats that are super smelly into the food puzzle and snuffle mat. My dear client Chaffee highly recommends dried beef liver tidbits like these. And sweetest little Darby told me that these are her favorites.

• Plush toys, rope toys, etc.

Fill and allow your dog to unpack it!

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Explaining the “Grey Whisker Community”

As you may have noticed from your inbox last week, Grey Whiskers is growing! Right now you know and love us for specialized geriatric grooming services in Denver, the newsletter, and Instagram page, which I hope you’ve been enjoying. Now, in order to expand our reach in helping senior dogs all over the country, we are creating a community for senior dog lovers, advocates, and pet care professionals looking to learn more about caring for their elderly canine clientele. We’re working hard behind the scenes to get everything in place, and we’re so excited! In the meantime, we need to hear your voices. In order to create content that really helps you, we need you to complete this super quick survey to tell us the one thing that you’re struggling with for your elderly dog. Do you need to feel like you’re not alone in the journey? Do you need resources for providers to help you in your area? Do you need access to more information by hearing the journeys of others - which solutions work and which don’t for the things you’re struggling with right now?

Head there now to give your vote, and to help us shape the community that gives YOU the tools you need to give your senior dogs their BEST years!

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