In this week’s issue, here’s what we are sniffing out

The Unspoken Side of Caring for Senior Dogs

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to talk about an aspect that’s not usually covered… How to manage your own mental health while caring for a senior dog.

As I write this newsletter, I’ve lost five doggie clients this week. Two of them passed away this week, and three I just found out about this week, but they died a while ago. This is not a surprising aspect of my specialized work, but it is the hardest one for me to cope with. And trust me, I know very well that my losing clients is not the same as when you lose a dog you’ve loved for many, many years. But I love your dogs, and working with them is a gift for me. Every time I lose one of you, my heart breaks a little more, for losing the human clients I’ve enjoyed working with as well as their dogs. It pales in comparison to what each of you feels during times like these. And yet, because I do this work every day, I really have to be sure I take care of myself properly. If I suffer from caregiver burnout, I won’t be able to help your dogs when they need help most.

Almost everyone who has a dog is eventually going to have an old dog, if things go well. There will be good days, hard days, and the hardest of days. Caregiver burnout is a serious issue. It affects your health, your ability to function at work and home. It affects your ability to care for your pet, and anyone else you’re responsible for as well. Many people with geriatric dogs are also raising children, and/or caring for elderly parents or spouses. The caregiving burden can be incredibly overwhelming. Try your best to stay ahead of your stress. Sometimes you really have to make effort to do that, even when it seems too difficult to contemplate.

5 tips to help you keep your head above water as the seas get rougher for your old dog:

#1 - Knowledge is power

Learn what you can in areas where you are lacking information. Go slowly if you have to, to prevent overdoing it and causing your stress to increase. Read articles from reputable sources, or talk to experts such as veterinarians and other veterinary industry professionals, as well as others who have expert knowledge where you need it, even if their industry is humans vs dogs. Focus on information that provides solutions and suggestions, vs threads and posts that just increase your stress level without any guaranteed validity to the conversation. I’ve personally gone down those rabbit holes, they do NOT help in the end.

If you feel like you are not in over your head, you are less likely to be paralyzed by indecision, or terrified to ask tough questions or make hard choices. This is one reason I started writing this newsletter, in fact. I’m hoping that everything I share makes you feel less overwhelmed in this stage of life with your senior dog.

#2 - Take care of yourself!

This may sound odd, but right from the start, try to maintain as much of your normal life as you can while caring for your aging dog. The more you immediately dig in and go into crisis mode, the more quickly you’ll overload. Sometimes we live a few years with dogs who require more care. So pace yourself; try to maintain a little normalcy in your life as the journey continues. It will help you when things really do get tough. Keep walking to the coffee shop with your friend on Wednesdays.

If your dog can’t be left alone, see if you can borrow a stroller to try for him to come along. Go for your weekly bike ride. Continue to work out, do yoga, meditate, read, garden, get massages, or do some other little thing that gives you joy and peace. You may need to do virtual workouts, or set up a little bed for your dog by your garden, if he can’t be left alone. Be creative, but try to remember yourself in all this.

#3 - Talk to someone!

If you know people who’ve recently been through what you’re experiencing, or are going through it now, make connections with them. You can share ideas and problem solving strategies, OR just talk about the highs and lows of your dog’s days. Keep in mind, it’s a great idea to celebrate successes as well as challenges.

Be sure you talk to someone you trust; a friend, pet care provider, or counselor. Choose someone who will listen to your stresses and anxieties without criticizing or judging you. Sometimes you don’t even need solutions, you just need to talk things through out loud, or a shoulder to lean on.

Even if your pet is still alive, pet grief support groups can be a great way to feel less alone, work through some of your stress, and help you deal with anticipatory grief.

#4 - Keep your veterinarian in the loop

You don’t have to do all the tests the vet offers. They offer them so you know all your options. If you don’t believe you’d do any of the treatment, you can decline the test. In other cases, the test may still give you clarity on what to expect for the remainder of your dog’s life. For some people (like me) that’s important, and for some it’s not. I like to have all the info I can to keep my dog comfortable, which I feel better equipped to do if I know what may be coming. One of our little dogs, Radar, was NOT a fan of blood tests. After he struggled and strained for one at 18, I stopped the techs. At his age, the labs weren’t the most important thing for him.

Many people who aren’t seeing the doctor any longer with their old dogs make that choice because they are afraid of being shamed for keeping the dog alive or doing too much for him. If your veterinarian does shame you, a new doctor is in order. Do some research and choose someone with compassion for geriatric pets. This link will show you who has the new senior dog veterinary certification in your area. Others aren’t seeing the vet for fear of being told the dog should be let go. This is awful to hear. But putting your head in the sand on this matter does not help your dog. I suggest that you listen to the doctor with as much of an open mind as you’re able to muster, and then take the info home with you to contemplate over a few days before dismissing it entirely.

I will say that I have many conversations with people who won’t see the vet anymore. Some of those talks are about issues that are NOT a normal part of aging, and can be fixed easily - a simple medicine, or change to diet or routine. Conditions that are easy to treat but ignored can quickly escalate to something that is actually life threatening. This is directly counterproductive to trying to avoid the veterinary clinic altogether. And some of the conversations are about issues that are serious. Avoiding the doctor may postpone your goodby with your pup, but it does not keep your dog from pain that could be managed, or from living with the risk of an emergency that causes end of life with suffering.

#5 - Get respite care

Many of you have senior dogs and live alone. The challenge you may face is learning to ask for, and accept help. If you have a friend who has known your dog her whole life, or a friend who is very gentle with your senior dog, ask them to help you in some way. One friend might be willing to come work from your home for a few hours if your dog can’t be left alone for long. Another might be available to run some errands for you instead. Or they might be willing to come walk your other dog who isn’t getting the exercise he needs right now.

If you have a pet sitter you trust implicitly with your older dog, ask if they’d be willing to do some baby sitting for your dog on an hour by hour basis. Many will, because they get the chance to work or relax, and still earn a little money. That way you can still get out and have lunch with a friend, or take a half day’s hike, or even just go sit in the park to read for a bit.

Many veterinary clinics have technicians, nurses, or assistants who are willing to help you at home with baby sitting, nurse care such as subcutaneous fluids, nail trims or injections. There may be someone who does overnight sitting for short trips, so that you don’t miss your cousin’s wedding, your father’s birthday, your girls’ weekend. Asking your veterinarian’s staff for help or recommendations is a better option than using online pet care provider resources; too many things can go wrong if the person you hire isn’t really dialed in to your elderly dog’s needs.

Here are some signs that you need a break somewhere, in some way: 

This information comes directly from Dr Mary Gardner, one of the founders of Lap of Love. Dr Gardner is one of my favorite experts in the senior dog industry:

“Symptoms of Pet Caregiver Burnout”

• Withdrawal from friends, family, and other loved ones

• Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed

• Feeling blue, irritable, hopeless, and helpless

• Changes in appetite, weight, or both

• Changes in sleep patterns

• Getting sick more often

• Feelings of wanting to hurt yourself or the person for whom you are caring

• Emotional and physical exhaustion

• Irritability

If this feels like you, consider the resources below for help, or talk to someone as mentioned above. Just remember, as is the case withmy work, if you don’t take care of yourself, then you can’t take care of those who need you…

Pet Loss and Grief Groups:

• https://www.lapoflove.com/our-services/pet-loss-support

• https://caringpathways.com/grief-support/ 

🐶 Sniffing Out Senior Dog News 📰

❤️‍🩹 90% of dog owners say pet’s health as important or more important than their own 

🛟 Senior dog rescue in Scottsdale helps pups find forever homes

#️⃣ 5 Ways Owning a Pet Can Improve Your Mental Health

Senior Dog Cartoon of the Week  

How did we do with this week’s newsletter?

• High Paws

• Pooped in the House